


To Love and Be Loved

by gray_autumn_sky



Series: Set in Storybrooke, Canon Divergent [18]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hood-Mills Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:36:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gray_autumn_sky/pseuds/gray_autumn_sky
Summary: Regina reflects on the life she has with Robin and the family she’d never thought she’d have; Regina finds the necklace David’s mother gave to Snow and gets a wonderfully unexpected surprise.





	To Love and Be Loved

The orange glow of the rising morning sun coats their bed as they lay together, their breath still ragged and their hearts still pounding. His fingers trail up and down along the soft skin at the back of her thigh and her head is tucked against the crook of his neck. She smiles contently as she presses her warm lips into his shoulder and he hugs her tighter. She loves mornings like this—mornings when he wakes her up with soft kisses and roaming hands, mornings when he holds her in his arms as they slowly make love, mornings when the rest of the world seems to hold still.

“Mmm, I wish we could stay like this all day,” he whispers, as she looks up at him. Reaching out, he tucks her tousled hair behind her ear, letting his fingers comb through it until he finds the ends. She smiles and there is a part of her wishing they could do just that, a part of her that could stay lost in his deep, smiling eyes forever.

The back of his fingers trail down over her cheek and along her jaw, and she thinks back on the two years they’ve spent together, their time together broken into pieces by curses, lost memories and deceptive dark magic. For as long as she’s known him, there’s been something safe about him, something that’s drawn her to him—even when she fought against herself to prevent it— her life experiences telling her it could only end badly.

For most of her life, Regina never knew what it was like to have the love of a family, the sort of happiness that can brighten the worst of days and fill a person’s heart with contentment. The concept had always been so abstract to her—elusive and mysterious, something meant for others, but not for her. Of course, growing up she had both of her parents in her life. They lived comfortably in a nice house with a vast library and stables where she could take riding lessons. For her thirteenth birthday, her father had given her the horse that would become her prized possession and every year, her mother threw a ball to celebrate the occasion. From the outside looking in, she lived a charmed life. But things were never quite as they seemed—the house was drafty and lonely. She had few friends and the extravagant gifts from her father usually came along with an apology for something terrible that her mother had done to her and his own shortcomings when it came to protecting her.

At sixteen her family hired a stable boy and she was smitten. He smiled at her and showed her genuine kindness, and together they would dream of becoming a family—running away together and raising a mess of children. But it all it ever really could be was a dream. When Daniel died, she told her father all she’d ever wanted to was to love and be loved in return, to have a family and to be happy. As always, though he tried, he didn’t understand, suggesting that King Leopold and his young daughter could be her new family. It was a naïve assumption; and, again, from the outside looking in, one could be easily mistaken. But in truth, marrying Leopold didn’t make her a part of his family. From the start, he made it very clear that she was there in their lives for specific purposes—a caregiver to Snow, a lover to him. He and Snow were an entity all their own; they weren’t accepting new members.

The closest she’d ever been to living happily ever after was the years when it was just her and Henry. From the moment he was first placed in her arms, she loved him. She loved him more than she ever knew that it was possible to love another person; and, for the first time, she understood what unconditional love felt like. For nine-and-a-half years, they were inseparable—he was hers, and she was his. Then one day, the little boy whose face would light up at the sight of her as his chubby little arms extended to her, the boy who would wake her up by jumping into her bed well before sun up, who made her Mother’s Day cards and never went to bed without an ‘I love you’ came home from school and asked her if who his ‘real mom’ was. Deep in her heart, she always knew it was temporary—life experience had taught her that. She was carrying a secret that she couldn’t explain away and because of that secret, the little family she’d so carefully crafted began to slip away from her, once again proving that happiness wasn’t meant for her.

And then Robin came along. Their history was complicated—the first time they’d met she’d pushed him away. Her heart was broken over the loss of her son and happiness seemed so impossible—too impossible to even attempt. Then, came another curse and little by little the impossible began to happen despite itself. He made her smile though her misery, held her hand when she was unsure and lent her an empathetic ear whenever needed. And once their memories were restored, she came to realize the depth of their connection—he loved her when there was little to love, and slowly but surely he’d made her believe in love again, not once, but twice.

Robin leans in nuzzling her neck as he trails soft kisses on her skin, bringing her back into the present moment. She smiles as her head drops back against the pillow. With him, she has nothing to prove. From the start, he’s accepted the whole package—the good, the bad, the evil. He’s never asked her to apologize or explain herself; he’s never assumed the worst about her or held the sins of her past against her. He loves her for her who she is, not in spite of it and his love for her is only out-measured by the love he has for his children.

“We both know that we can’t do that,” she tells him, shaking her head and forcing herself back into reality. “Who would feed the boys?”

“There’s always Granny’s,” he replies simply, as if the answer should have been obvious to her. She can’t help but laugh as she leans forward and pecks his lips once, then twice. On the third quick kiss, he catches her lips between his. His arms slide around her and he rolls over, pulling her on top of him. She laughs out, as he breaks the kiss and rolls away from him, onto her side. He grins coyly at her.

“You know, on second thought,” she begins in a reflectively rational voice. “Roland won’t be awake for a couple more hours and Henry would sleep until noon, if I let him.” She pauses. “And in a few days, we’ll have an infant in the house. Who knows when we’ll have another morning like this?”

“A very good point,” he tells her, again leaning in.

This time, she pulls him over her, her hand slipping to the base of his neck, drawing him closer as her fingers tangle in his hair. And again, everything else just fades away.

__

It’s nearly ten when they make their way toward the kitchen, their conversation has shifted considerably as they walk down the stairs together discussing the logistics of attending next week’s Kindergarten Round-Up event at the elementary school with an infant in tow.

“I’d be more than happy to babysit.”

“Mary Margaret!” Regina says, jumping a little before smoothing her skirt and collecting herself. “Why are you standing in my kitchen? I don’t remember giving you a key…”

“I let her in,” Henry chirps, as he comes around the corner with Roland at his heels.

“Oh,” Regina bristles, as Robin circles around her to pour three cups of coffee. “What do I owe…for this pleasure?”

“I going through some of Neal’s baby clothes and thought maybe you two could get some use out of them.”

“That was thoughtful,” Regina says in earnest, softening toward Mary Margaret—it still surprises her that moments like this are possible, that after everything that has happened between the two of them, she’s a welcomed, and even wanted, presence in Mary Margaret’s life. She watches as Robin extends a cup of coffee to Mary Margaret, and then slides one over to her, kissing her cheek as he does so. “You didn’t have to come all the way over here, especially not on a Saturday morning.”

“Oh, no, it was no trouble,” Mary Margaret insists. “Actually, it’s kind of nice to be away.” Regina’s eyebrow rises as Mary Margaret continues. “I spent the better part of my morning following my tornado of a toddler around, and then as soon as I got into the shower, he found a red crayon and decided to decorate my cabinets while David was making his breakfast.” She sighs. “David’s cleaning it up right now, so I was glad for an excuse to leave.”

Regina can’t help but laugh as she smiles wistfully, recalling a particularly ‘artistic’ stage that Henry went through as a toddler and how he once finger-painted a mural on the kitchen floor. “I remember those days. I know they can be trying now, but…you’ll miss them when they’re gone.” She glances over at Henry who has fallen into conversation with Robin at the other end of the kitchen. She smiles as Robin begins his reply, gesturing with his hands as though he’s explaining something. “I know I do,” she says, looking back at Mary Margaret.

“You’ll have them again soon enough.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Robin says, as he comes toward them. “We’re going to continue our archery lessons out back.”

“Archery, huh?”

“Henry’s quite a good shot,” Robin tells her. Regina can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth as she watches Robin’s eyes fill with pride. She loves the bond that’s formed between the two of them. “Excellent aim.”

“I’m not that good,” Henry corrects. “But I’m getting better.

“Well, have fun,” Mary Margarget calls as they watch Robin and the boys make their way to the backyard. Regina’s eyes linger on them for a moment—watching as Robin lifts Roland onto his shoulders as Henry sets up a target. Suddenly, she feels a pair of eyes on her and turns to see a sly smirk on Mary Margaret’s face. “I’m willing to be you had a better morning than I did,” she says. “It’s almost ten and you two were just…waking up?”

Again, Regina bristles, her eyes widening and her shoulders squaring, “Mary Margaret!”

“All I am saying is that love agrees with you. I’ve never seen you look this happy and it’s nice to see.” She laughs softly and takes a long sip of the coffee. “So, do you want to look through what I brought over?”

Regina nods, watching as Mary Margaret lifts a canvas tote onto the counter and pulls out a series of baby clothes and hats and other necessities.

“So, how is Zelena doing? She has to be close to her due date.”

“Still pregnant and still psychotic,” Regina retorts, as she picks up an orange knit cap with little ears at the top. She turns it to Mary Margaret. “This is…adorable.”

Mary Margaret smirks, “Neal wasn’t a fan. He wore it for approximately twelve seconds before ripping it off and having a full-fledged melt down.” Regina chuckles softly and looks back at the hat. “So, you’re really going to do this? You’re really going to raise Zelena’s child.”

“Well, he’s Robin’s child, too,” she replies defensively.

Everyone seems so amazed that she’s willing to do this, treating it as though she’s making some huge sacrifice—selfless and so unlike the Evil Queen. No one sees that she’s doing it as much for herself as she is for him—together, she and Robin and the boys have made a little family for themselves and its more than she ever dared to want, and after losing it once, there’s no way she’d ever give it up again. For her, raising this child with him has never been much of a question nor a debate–for both her and Robin, their children come first, before everything else and she would never dream of asking him to choose between the life they both want and the child.

“Obviously, it’s not an ideal situation, but this baby is part of the package now. And…I can’t say I’m all that disappointed about that.”

“Wow…I don’t know if I could say the same if I were in your situation.” Mary Margaret offers a genuine smile. “That baby is going to be very lucky to have you.”

Regina smiles back—it means a lot to her to hear, especially coming from Mary Margaret.“Thank you for not pointing out my inadequacies as step-mother.” She looks away, reaching out and running her hand over a stack of onesies—her words hadn’t come out the way she meant for them to, there was too much edge, and she wonders if the two of them will ever have a conversation that doesn’t bear underlying layer of guilt.

“Oh, I wouldn’t,” Mary Margaret insists, forcing Regina to look back at her. “You were…what…eighteen when you married my father? You should never have been in a position to be a mother to me. I’ve watched you raise Henry and I’m watching you help raise Roland now—this kid is really lucking out.”

Regina feels a surge of emotion as her eyes meet Mary Margaret’s—gratitude, excitement and a little bit of fear. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t looking forward to this—little fingers wrapping around hers, that sweet new-baby smell and soft gurgling noises and little laughs. She’s not romanticizing the experience, she knows more nights than not, she’ll wake up to piercing cries, she’ll be exhausted for months and the likelihood of unknowingly showing up to a City Council meeting with spit-up on her dress is high. She knows it’ll be difficult to raise a child of a woman she despises, but the difficulty doesn’t even come close to the joy it’ll bring her to raise a child with someone she loves.

“What’s this?” She asks, as she pulls a silver necklace out of the bag. She lets it settle in her palm, examining the round silver pennant at the end of the necklace. “I’ve never seen you wear this…”

Regina looks to Mary Margaret who smiles brightly at the sight of it. “Ohh, I forgot I had this here.” She laughs, “While I was packing all of this stuff up last night, Neal knocked over my jewelry box. It must have fallen in.”Regina watches as Mary Margaret fingers trace over the pennant. “David’s mother gave this to me—it was enchanted by a gypsy.” Regina’s brow furrows as she listens. “It can predict the gender of your firstborn—north to south for a boy, east to west for a girl. That’s how we knew we’d have Emma one day.”

“Ah,” Regina drops the necklace into Mary Margaret’s palm. “I wondered how you knew.”

She watches as Mary Margaret draws up the necklace, “Want to try it out?”

“No, there’s no point,” she tells her. “It’ll just stand still.”

Instantly, her words set in and Mary Margaret’s face falls. “Oh, Regina, I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Regina says with a soft smile as her gaze drifts to the backyard, watching as Robin helps Henry to hold the bow against his shoulder, guiding him through the motions. She smiles again and looks back at Mary Margaret—she doesn’t smile to make her feel better, though; she smiles because it really is okay. She’s made peace with it and she’s more than happy with the family she already has.

__

Standing in the soon-to-be nursery, staring at the stacks of organized and freshly laundered baby items, she smiles as Robin comes up behind her, wrapping his arms low on her waist. She leans back into him and sighs contently.

“I never realized a baby could use so much…stuff,” he tells her. “Suddenly, my early parenting of Roland seems largely inadequate.”

“When I adopted Henry, I was…amazed. I’d done all the research on baby seats and bouncy chairs and pacifiers and lotions, types of fabric for his delicate skin…and I thought I was so prepared. And then he was here was I felt so unprepared…for absolutely everything.”

He steps around her, shaking his head as he looks through the baby clothes. “What’s this?” He turns, holding up the silver necklace. “I can’t imagine a baby would enjoy wearing a heavy thing like this.”

“Oh,” she breathes as she steps toward him. She picks up the necklace, hovering it over his palm. “It’s Mary Margaret’s. It’s supposed to…” He shift closer, drawing the necklace nearer—and then suddenly, it begins to sway.

Regina’s eyes widen in disbelief and with a shaky hand she reaches out and holds the necklace between her fingers. It dangles in front of her, swinging gently from side to side. Her heart beat quickens and she can feel warm tears welling in her eyes as she realizes what this means. She looks up at him and he’s watching her curiously.

“Are you alright?” he asks, placing a hand on her arm. She tries to reply, but she can’t find the words, so she looks back at the pennant and watches it swing. “Regina…” he tries again. “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes meet his and she can see that his curiosity has turned to worry and she exhales slowly. “N-nothing’s wrong,” she assures him. “In fact, it’s quite the opposite.” He tilts his head and watches as she lets the necklace fall into her hand. “You see, this necklace is enchanted.”

“Enchanted?”

She nods and takes a step in. “When a woman holds it, it’s said to reveal the gender of her first born child.”

She watches as the realization sets in his eyes, smiling as a bright smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “But…I thought…” He shakes his head and she can see him working to try and understand. “Are you…pregnant?”

She shakes her head and starts to say no, but stops herself, realizing that she actually has no idea. She doesn’t think she’s pregnant, but they haven’t done anything to prevent it from happening; and if she’s actually able to conceive, then for the first time in a very long time, she can’t say definitively say no. “I…don’t think so,” she says instead. “But I…could be. Or I will be, one day.” Robin is smiling at her with questioning, but sincerely happy eyes; and once again, something that seemed so impossible is suddenly possible. “And, according to this,” she tells him softly, again dangling the necklace in front of herself, “It’ll be a girl.”

His smile is instant. “A girl?” He asks, “You-you’re sure?”

She nods, “The necklace swung east to west—that means a girl.”

“In this house full of boys, we’ll one day have a little girl,” he says reflectively. His smile brightens as he slips a hand through her hair to cup the back of her head. “I can’t think of anything that could be more perfect,” he tells her as he drops a kiss on her forehead.

She nods in agreement as wave of emotion hits her—she thinks of Henry and Roland and the son they’ve yet to meet and the daughter who is yet to be. It wasn’t long ago that wouldn’t even have dared to let herself imagine this sort of life for herself, a life surrounded by people she loves and people who love her—to love and be loved, as she once wished. There are times that this realization takes her aback and catches her off guard—and this is one of those moments and it fills her with an overwhelming feeling of hope.


End file.
